Where the Fine Art of DJing and Making Love Meet (Elephant Journal Article)

Being sexually active for the past two decades and a DJ for the past 11 years, I have recently begun to notice striking similarities between these acts.

When done properly, both are created on the same foundation: connection, seduction, stimulation, build up, climax, and reflection. In the instance of sex, there are two people, but in DJing, there is the DJ and the crowd. Seducing one person is a beautiful thing; but seducing an entire group of people, many of whom you’ve never met before, is truly an art.

Join me as I walk you through the art of DJing and making love, simultaneously.

You walk into a room where music is playing and we notice each other. I look at you directly in the eyes and give a subtle hint of a smile to let you know I’m interested. You smile back at me and my gaze remains unbroken as you shyly look away. I like that. The music is subtle with low BPM to hypnotize the audience and lay the foundation for what is about to come. The DJ toys with the low-frequency knob on the mixer at the perfect moments of each track just to remind you that he’s here. I also want you to know I am here so I approach you and introduce myself. We chat over drinks and the time seems to pass by without us even noticing. You’re smiling. I’m smiling. We’re enjoying each other’s company. The music and the atmosphere have put us all in a trance-like state. Intuition tells the DJ and I that now is the right time to turn it up a notch.

We get closer. After teasing for a while, I start touching you ever so gently as we begin to dance. The BPM rises intuitively as the mood of the room changes and more people flow onto the dance floor. Our heartbeats and breathing quickens, keeping pace with the tempo of the music. Your eyes, body language, and lips beg for me to kiss you. I pull you close to me and bring your lips inches from mine. I can now see and feel the extent of your yearning. I am in control and I can tell that you love it.

In the same moment, the DJ also knows he has us. We are his and he is in a groove operating purely on instincts. The music blends effortlessly from one track to the next so the crowd is blissfully unaware of any transitions. All they know is that they are immersed in the present moment and there is nothing else in the world other than here and now. The same goes for us. I see no one but you and you see none other than me. Our breath is in sync, and upon seeing the aching wantingness in your eyes, I grab you by your back with one hand and the back of your neck with the other. Your hands find their way to my face so as not to lose my piercing gaze. Our lips finally meet and there’s no turning back now.

We kiss ever so gently at first as everything around us slows down. What was once a crowded dance floor has now transformed into a space made only for you and me. Our hands wander to explore each other’s bodies just as the bass kicks in to mirror our pounding hearts. Faster they beat as the DJ raises the BPM ever so slightly. Tonight, he is our sexual guru.

I take you by the hand and lead you to a place where we can be more intimate. We allow the music to be the maestro of our approaching sexual encounter. We begin kissing again, softly at first and building up with the music to a more passionate and primal nature. I grab your hair and gently but firmly pull it back to expose your neck. I kiss it at first, then I start to nibble as you yelp with excitement. I pull away as the DJ kills the bass once more. Be here now with me and stare into my eyes before we move any further. I am with you and you are with me. Tonight, we are one.

A breakdown in the music with a lovely melody induces a feeling of nostalgia deep within everyone here tonight. We hear the crowd whistling and clapping to the beat where the missing bass drum would be. You and I have locked eyes and begin to disrobe each other; slowly, at first and kissing all the while. Our lips are never too far apart. Why would they be? We exchange soft smiles as we playfully tease each other. As our flesh becomes exposed, our savage nature takes over and we become wild beasts as the intensity of the bass drum slowly rises. Your nipples are erect and so am I. I lay you down gently then take your nipple into my mouth as you gasp. The music begins to build as the crowd’s anticipation for the drop increases. They want it, almost as much as you want me.

Lower I go, slowly and gently kissing your stomach every inch of the way down your body’s beautiful curves until I arrive at your clitoris. It begs for my tongue, but all it will receive right now is my breath. I look up and we lock our eyes once more. In this moment, the tip of my tongue finally makes contact with your clit. You yelp as the dance floor simultaneously erupts with excitement over the highly anticipated drop. The DJ is finally getting into his secret weapon that he was waiting for the perfect moment to unleash. The same goes for me. My tongue massages your clit as the DJ plays with the filter and delay effects on the mixer. I lick my finger and slowly slip it inside you to rub your G spot as the synth and bassline tickle the ears of the crowd.

Anticipation builds on the dance floor as it does inside of us. Sweat pours from the faces of those dancing just as the juices flow from your p*ssy. The DJ looks up and smiles at the crowd as they erupt with cheers of approval. I look up to smile at you. You smile back, grab me by the hair, and whisper softly, “I want you inside me.”

I bring my lips to yours once more so you can taste your own sweet juices as the dance floor breathes in the collective mixture of airborne pheromones. The DJ throws his favorite track in a loop before the drop, keeping the crowd in suspense as I rub the tip of my d*ck up and down the opening of your p*ssy. The crowd wants it, but you want it more. Their hands are in the air as yours dig into my back. The DJ and I give what is wanted, and both parties let out a sigh of ecstasy.

I am inside of you as the DJ is inside the collective spirit of the crowd. Now is the time where everything we have been waiting for and been wanting to give will be unleashed. The crowd dances uncontrollably as your body writhes with pure bliss. We all enter a collective trance-like state as the DJ plays the final peak-hour track. As the excitement builds on the dance floor, the same goes for our loins. They dance harder as we gyrate faster. Muscles begin contracting as you and I climax together in an explosion of pleasure. In this moment, we embrace one another as the music begins to fade. We melt into each other as our breath slowly returns to normal. Our hearts are pressed up against one another and our gaze is once again locked. We kiss once more as the crowd bursts out in applause as the DJ allows the final track to fade out.

Do you see what happened here? Conscious connection with a lover and the crowd are what made both acts such a loving and memorable experience for all involved. Good things take time. Deep conscious connection takes patience. I’m sure you can recall a sexual encounter that felt as if your partner was racing for the finish line and not delaying gratification by any means. This is not lovemaking and a similar approach behind the decks is not good DJing.

A true DJ knows not to start off his set with high BPM hard techno just as an exceptional lover knows not to hop on the express train to Pound Town. You need to build up to that and save it only if your intuition tells you that is what the crowd wants. The same goes for making love to your partner. You need to be gentle at first, allow a sacred bond to be built between you both, and listen to their body. That will tell you everything you need to know so long as you learn to read their body language. A lover must watch the body of their partner the way a DJ watches the movements and feels the vibe of a crowd. It’s only by tapping into the consciousness of those we wish to seduce that we will succeed in planting the seeds for a more conscious society.

At the end of the day, both the DJ and the lover are tasked with taking you on a journey of the senses. It is one of life’s true treasures to exchange acts of pleasure with another while receiving gratification in return. To take what was once an unsuspecting subject, and transport them into a realm immersed in unbridled and unhinged hedonism, is a great gift that takes years to master.

Whether it’s on the dance floor or between the sheets, there is no greater experience in this life than forging deep sensory connections with other souls. And if one day I find a way to blend these two blissful acts of art in motion simultaneously, I’d consider my life complete.

This article was featured on Elephant Journal on Feb 7, 2018: CLICK HERE FOR LINK TO ARTICLE

Isla Mujeres (The Island of Women), Getting “Happy” & Cancún

After my break-up, Cancún and The Island of Women were the logical next stops in my journey.

ISLA MUJERES

The day after the end of my relationship, I hopped on a plane from San Juan, Puerto Rico to Cancún to begin my month-long backpacking trip through Mexico that I had been planning for months. As you would imagine, I was by no means in the mood to travel… not yet at least. Luckily I had my spirits lifted by many other travelers along the way, but it all started with the two women that I met shortly after arriving back in Mexico.

Here are brief summaries of our interactions.

Wendy:

Immediately after touching down in Cancún, I hopped on a van to take me to the water taxi to Isla Mujeres. The moment I sat down in the last available seat on the van, I was greeted with a smile from a lovely woman also headed to the same destination. Her name was Wendy and she is a grandmother from Wisconsin. We talked the entire way to the island about life, traveling, relationships and of course… politics.

During my two day stay on the island, we coincidentally ran into each other twice at the same breakfast place. There we talked some more as she showed off pictures of her daughter, her son-in-law and grandchild, you know… grandma stuff.

Throughout our talks, we kept coming back to the same topic regarding how so many people on this planet have such an obscure view on the rest of the world and live in their own little personal bubbles or alternative realities.

In her spare time, Wendy enjoys drawing and bestowed upon me this masterpiece she created as a reminder for herself.


I am very grateful to have met her and to have run into her on several occasions on that crazy little island off the coast of Cancún.

Lee:

Before arriving in Isla Mujeres, a friend from back in Puerto Escondido said to reach out to a friend of his that lived on the island. So I did and we met for coffee and a walk on the beach with the dog she was babysitting for a friend.


After talking with her for a short period of time, I learned some things about our mutual friend that I never would have known had we not met. Apparently this friend of ours convinced her to follow through with a yoga teacher training that proved to be a life changing experience for her.

I learned a very deep lesson in our exchange. That lesson is this:

My judgement of others has usually been rooted in my limited personal experience with them and doesn’t take into account all the other factors that have shaped their character. After all, what are we but a makeup of all that we’ve experienced throughout our lives? Being quick to judge someone based on our bounded knowledge of any person is not just ignorant, but lazy.

I’ll be sure to make a better effort to try and understand more and judge less.

Movie star and internet meme sensation, Nicholas Cage, once said:

Understanding is deeper than knowledge. There are many people who know you, but very few who understand you.

So Lee, thanks for helping me stumble upon that lesson, even if done inadvertently.

She and I would meet later on in my backpacking journey for a plant medicine ceremony on the beach in Tulum, but that story that will have to wait for my next post.

Sunset @ Playa Norte, Isla Mujeres

GETTING “HAPPY”

Even after a good start in Isla Mujeres, I still felt like I needed an extra boost to help get myself back in the right mental space to really enjoy myself.

Luckily for me, not too long ago I was informed of a brand new start-up company called “Happy the App“.

It has a similar business model as Uber where you can access on demand emotional support with a few taps of your smartphone. Several months ago, I was interviewed to be a part-time “Happy Giver”, got the job and am currently part of their beta testing while their launch date is slated for March 2017. Through this testing phase, all Happy Givers are encouraged to log in to give or receive “happy” in order to practice our skills in holding space for others going through tough times. Needless to say, I was in need of receiving some happy so I decided to call in a couple of times. On one of those calls, I was lucky enough to be connected with a woman named Nancy who stayed on the call with me for nearly two hours as I unpacked all my newfound emotional baggage that I’ve been carrying around the past few days.

There are times in our life where we get stuck in the gutter of our emotions and just need to talk it out with someone who is gifted in the art of listening, compassion, empathy and understanding that can ask us the questions necessary to assist us in drawing out the feelings blocking the flow of love from our hearts.

For anyone adverse to seeking a therapist to remove emotional blockages and feel that all they need is someone to listen, hear their story and offer compassion, I highly recommend giving “Happy” a try. My two hour vent session with Nancy more than helped me jump-start what would prove to be my most life-changing backpacking adventure to date.

CANCÚN

As most of us know, Cancún is known for its beautiful beaches, wild nightlife and is synonymous with Spring Break. Due to recent circumstances, I still wasn’t exactly pumped to partake in any of the aforementioned activities.

Buuuuuut, when you are staying in a hostel full of interesting travelers from all corners of the Earth and a cute blonde Brazilian girl asks you if you’re going clubbing with the rest of the crew that night, well…..

How about that… I actually had a great time! Nothing like a night of clubbing at The City in Cancùn to shake things up a bit and give me a chance to let the beast out of its cage.

The next day, most of the hostel was in fairly bad shape primarily due to the copious amounts of rum and tequila imbibed the previous night. So we took it easy and stayed at the hostel bar for dinner.

Thanks to Nico, our Argentinian bartender at the Mezcal Hostel in Cancún, for helping us nurse ourselves back to life with the same poison from the night before.

Thanks Nico👍🏼


That was also the night I met two lovely ladies from Germany that were on holiday and doing a bit of traveling in Quintana Roo and the Yucatán as well.

Mary & Nina

The girls next stop was Holbox and then Tulum while I was heading directly to Tulum. So we exchanged info and made plans to meet once they arrived.

Tulum is where my journey started to get really interesting, but that story will have to wait for my next post.

Thanks for following!

✌🏼️😎